When I started this blog it was called one OM at a Time. I remember sitting at my little desk in Brooklyn, pregnant with Audrey and knowing that we were about to embark on life on the road. The one OM at a Time aspect was to be one hOMe at a time. I was going to blog about our journey on the road and becoming parents and all things yoga. I did it, but not consistently. I occasionally popped on here and posted photos of our travels, or wrote about a life lesson I had learned. It was sporadic at best. I then started using it as a way to write about essential oils and sell them. Again, occasionally using it, but never with any real consistency.
Then came 2020 and all that arrived with it. My eyes were opened to the fact that using OM both in yoga class and as my main title of my business was culturally inappropriate. I made the choice to change oneOMatatime.com to sarapackard.com because I also wanted to use my own name and give myself full permission to be me. Still this blog has sat here and even while I committed to it time and time again, it seems to fall into the background again and again.
What is funny to me is that it’s not that I don’t write. I am constantly over on my Instagram page writing long and thought out posts. Writing is the thing I love to do the most. And yet I don’t utilize this space, this little corner of the virtual world that I have created. I asked myself why recently and the answer, admittedly, is hard to admit. But I believe in full transparency and so I’m gonna tell you why: because on Instagram I get to really lean into the “Insta” part of it and know right away how people feel about what I’m writing. Every little heart that gets collected is a way for me to see that what I am writing is actually being read. I have stats to follow on here, but the reality is that I don’t get that instant feedback of a heart or thumbs up indicating that people are liking my writing. And the reality is, that’s ok. I don’t need to know how my words are landing on people right away. It’s not the real reason that I write and yet in the last several years, the allure of writing has become about that high that you get from those tiny hearts. The instant gratification has taken over the consistency of growing as a writer. At my core I truly want to write because I love the art of storytelling through the written word, not because I want to be liked. I know that if I am going to really step into the role of being the writer that I know I am, it's time to make a change and give up the instant gratification.
It’s also exhausting. Lately I have been finding myself in a kind of fatigue that comes from constantly scrolling and being on social media. Not all of it is bad. I am selective with who I follow and so much of it is watching people I love and admire post really important things and points of view or sharing their latest podcast episode or work. And while I am always genuinely proud and happy for others, I can’t help but find myself in the comparison exhaustion. I have so many things I want to do. If this last year and a half has taught me anything it’s that our time here is incredibly brief. It’s become way too easy to spend the precious time I have on social media. I have always told my students that our attention is one of our most precious assets. I have come to the realization that too much of mine is being spent gazing at the lives of others, or the pictures of them anyways. I want to take it back and pour much more of it into my own life. Not just into myself either, but into all of the lives of the people who I have the immense honor of living life alongside, including my clients and those of you who choose to venture into the space of this blog. I know you don’t have to be here reading this. It’s so much easier to put my words in front of people when I place them in a general scroll. Here, I don’t have the ability to hashtag or promote to get more eyes on what I write. I don’t have an algorithm that is more like a popularity contest than anything else. You are reading these words only because you made the conscious choice to be here. Coming to that realization has led me to want to honor that, more than some silly algorithm.
I want to create for you with the words that I write, not for the click of a heart but for the genuine human connection that storytelling offers. When I read my favorite authors' words, or a personal story that resonates, I connect with myself. It’s what all good art does in reality. We listen or watch or read and we see pieces of ourselves in what we are taking in. Over the course of my own life, my mediums have changed, but at the core of why I do what I do has always been to create connection, self and collective. The irony of social media, and I have said this before, is that it creates the illusion of connection but is in reality incredibly disconnecting. The comparison, the misinformation, the loss of real expertise in favor of influencing, all of it is leading us away from not only ourselves, but from one another. I don’t want my art, my words, my storytelling to be a part of that any longer. I want to genuinely build out my own space and create real connections that don't live by any arbitrary algorithm.
I know I have said this before. Almost a year ago, I left social media for several months. It was actually glorious. I started to make my way back to it when I thought I could handle it again and that my business needed it to grow. I am glad I went back only because the last nine months or so have shown me that I am so much better off putting my attention elsewhere. I now not only having the experience of leaving it, but also the affirmation of coming back after being gone doesn’t offer much. I don’t have to wonder “what if”. Unless I were to dedicate a large portion of my time building a “following” and actually getting good at social media, I now know that I can do greater things off of it. This fall I am taking a writer’s workshop where the goal will be to produce 1,000 words a week towards the book I want to write. I’m getting my Eating Disorder Recovery Coaching certification and my Intuitive Eating Facilitator certification. I am still taking on one on one clients and will be revamping my classes to better fit their needs. I want to thrive in all of it, really dive deep into my diligent studentship and still have energy and time to enjoy my life. To be a mom and a partner. To walk in nature and read for pleasure. I don’t want to waste one ounce of the potency that is my life on scrolling or trying to get people to “like” me. If you’re here, I already know you do and anyways that isn’t what matters most to me. I am far more interested in using this platform, the one that is in my own name, and consistently writing words that will land in your mind and actual heart. That will connect you to yourself, to your life and to the other human beings in it.
My plan is to pick my Intuitive Eating series back up where we left off. Every week there will be a new blog on the principles of Intuitive Eating and of course in my very Sara way, will go even deeper than just that. You can check out the first three in the archive. I will also continue to write about all the same things I write about on social media: body image, eating disorders, diet mentality and all the ways we learn to love ourselves while living in a hyper suppressive culture. I will not bombard your inbox. Even if I write every single day, I will only do an email drop to you once or twice a week so you can know when new content is out. Read when you can, comment if you wish, share if you are called, but please know that your active participation is not required. I am so grateful to you for lending me your attention. I know that you do not have to be here. I know that not everything I write will resonate with you, all the time or be perfect. But I am stepping back into this space with a renewed commitment to share myself and my story with you in an effort to create connection. I am not here to collect clicks and hearts. I am here to share the pieces of my story that make it easier for you to connect to the humanity of your own story. Thank you for being here and for coming back time and again. Stay tuned for much, much more, no hearts necessary.
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Elaine Dunn Dooley
9/1/2021 08:05:02 pm
Hearts to you Sara. You are amazing and I enjoy reading your blog! Thank you!
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is a Mama, Wife, Yoga and Meditation Teacher, Coach, Writer and Activist. You can read more about her here.