 "Selfless women make for an efficient society but not a beautiful, true, or just one. When women lose themselves, the world loses its way. We do not need more selfless women. What we need right now is more women who have detoxed themselves so completely from the world's expectations that they are full of nothing but themselves. What we need are women who are full of themselves. A woman who is full of herself knows and trusts herself enough to say and do what must be done. She lets the rest burn." - Glennon Doyle, Untamed
I read this quote this morning during my morning meditation time. We are in a radical time right now. The world, our country, has lost its way. Except, I believe that it's always been lost. We have been living in a suppressed society from the beginning where the expectations are for people to behave so that we may have a more efficient society. The expectations have been that Women know their role, People of Color stay in their lane and we all let the men go to work for the good of us all, forsaking any real sense of self. But Women have been finding themselves. Black and Brown citizens of this country are finally being seen, heard and listened to. The traditional keepers of power know it and are resisting this change. They know that the efficiency they once relied on is slipping from their grip. The efficiency that relied on the oppression of others. And we know that what we resist, is what persists. We must continue to persist. We must continue to break the mold of "selflessness", the lie that we must get in line. We must do what must be done, in connection with a deep trust of love. Because here's the thing: we have seen this last week how those who would like to continue to remain the oppressor use their power. We have seen the force, the violence, the harm, the disconnect, all of it spurred by hate, filled with self loathing rather than self loving. We can see the shame and guilt that has been handed down to them by generations of ancestral unwellness. Those of us who are disrupting the efficiency of the world by choosing to stand in the fullness of ourselves, of our personhood, we know better. We see the oppressors and those who continue to stand by them for what they are; insolent and wounded children who are acting out in tantrums because they have lost their way. A way that they never really owned because it relied solely on making sure that we didn’t have one either. Anyone who has ever experienced the backhanded side of patriarchy, racism and white supremacy is not surprised by this. This is America. It always has been. No amount of nicesties or religion can erase that truth. And so there is a very big part of me, as I sit here now and watch the resistance of this change have their childish moment, that says “let it burn”. Let them burn themselves out so that we may actually be able to begin again, in the open air. Unshrouded and unobstructed by the insidious torments of efficiency. And in the meantime, those of us who know better, may we do the work to become more and more and more full of ourselves. May we relieve ourselves of our selflessness for it only serves those who would wish us to continue walking around without a self to make things easier for them. But you and I, we do hard things. We do the work of learning to love ourselves in our fullness because we realize that THAT is the way to truly serve the greater good. May we recognize that our job is not to make this life more efficient for the privileged few, but instead more beautiful, more true and more just for ALL. And that work lives in the refusal to give up our self. Because that is far too high a price to pay for the sake of efficiency and we must become no longer willing to pay it.
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 Words are my superpower. Writing down my thoughts are where I get the most clear and inspired. It’s how I best share my message with the world and my most effective tool for self-expression. Words are where my wisdom lives.
The last two days I have been walking around desperately trying to find the words so that I may bring some semblance of understanding and peace to myself and to others. But every time I have gone to write or speak, I only find a heaviness that is weighted down by grief and sadness of a different kind. I can usually write grief and sadness. But not this time. This is different. I close my eyes and take a breath and wait for the healing balm of words to come and all I can think of is this: This shit is fucked. That’s it. Those are my words of wisdom. This shit is fucked. Poetic, I know. This shit is fucked because two days ago we should have been celebrating the win of the first Black and Jewish Senators from Georgia. This shit is fucked because we should have been taking a deep breath and sigh of relief as our elected officials certified the next leader of our country and all of the people, many firsts themselves, who he has selected to lead with him. This shit is fucked because a group of mostly male and mostly white citizens were able to breach THE top government building and wander around aimlessly for TWO HOURS with little to no consequence or involvement from the proper authorities. This shit is fucked because a petulant child of a man couldn’t have it his way and so he used all the might of his power to incite violence and hatred. Not just two days ago, but for the last six years. This shit is fucked because men and women who were in search of their own power enabled him...over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. This shit is fucked because many of them tried to backpedal when it got too real and THEY became directly affected. Nevermind that this is what was happening to others all along. This shit is fucked because almost half of the country voted for him. This shit is fucked because women voted for him. This shit is fucked because in 2021 our racism and patriarchy run so deep and there are still too many people that aren’t willing to take an honest look at it. This shit is fucked because conspiracy, lies and distrust are being touted as truth. And people not only believe it, but take it as gospel. This shit is fucked because intellectualism and science are being completely disregarded, undervalued and looked upon in disgust. This shit is fucked because we all have members of our families and direct circles who have latched on to this cult of mistrust and misinformation. This shit is fucked because people have died who didn’t need to die. This goes for the other day, this last year and hundreds of years of Black and Brown human beings at the hands of white supremacy. This shit is fucked because white supremacy is alive and well. This shit is fucked because we do not value emotional honesty, well-being and self-care as a real path towards healing. Instead we muscle and power our way through our most vulnerable moments. This shit is fucked because our children are bearing witness to centuries of unhealed and undealt with stuff. We aren’t making it better for them, we are making it harder. This shit is fucked because it is. As a meditation teacher and emotional well-being advocate, I know one might think that my job is to only spread love and hope. But if you have ever worked with me, you will know that one thing that I believe wholeheartedly is that we cannot and do not get to spiritually bypass what is real. Look, I have plenty of hope still. I am encouraged by what happened the other day in Georgia and believe we have the absolute ability to heal our nation and ourselves. But I also believe that this shit is fucked right now. I believe it has been for quite some time and that it shouldn’t take a coup on our most fundamental government procedures to wake us up to that truth. Many of us have been saying this for a while now, and too many still aren’t listening. I hope that you are listening now. And if you aren’t, may you truly know that you are on the absolute wrong side of history. We don’t have to agree on all things. We don’t have to agree politically, economically or theoretically. But can we at least agree on the truth that this shit is fucked right now? Can we have the courage to do something about it? Please. “This shit is fucked” is our reality right now, but it does not have to be our future. We can unfuck ourselves. But first we must realise how fucked this shit is. Perhaps I do have the words after all. Not my most poetic, but then again, poetry is many things; real, raw, not always pretty or nice. And being pretty and nice would be the most fucked up shit we could be right now. |
Sara Packardis a Mama, Wife, Yoga and Meditation Teacher, Coach, Writer and Activist. You can read more about her here. Archives
September 2021
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