Honesty: I was super hesitant to send Audrey to more "traditional" school. For a long time after she was born, I researched and looked up all different kinds of alternative schooling. Homeschooling, unschooling, Montessori, Waldorf, Forest. You name it, I have probably seen it and read about it. I am a huge fan of Sir Ken Robinson and a lot of his work. And believe me, I still see and recognize all of the merits of each of the options listed above. Truly. And there may come a day when we decide still to take that route. I do not love the ideas of standardization, nor do I love the Common Core.

That being said, we decided to go ahead this year and take the option of New York City’s UPK program. In NYC you have to list the school’s you prefer in order of preference because there are so many options. This is both awesome and overwhelming. I naturally went on a hunt for the most progressive programs and put them at the top of my list. However we also listed a couple of schools close by, because we do have some great options, though they are deemed as “more traditional”. One of them being right across the street from us. Wouldn’t you know, that’s where she got in. I was admittedly hesitant, however I was excited for the very brief commute and the time it would save us each day. Because the reality is, every morning her school begins at 8:15 and we leave at 8:10. And every day we waste no time getting back home so we can head right to the park on nice days, or have play dates immediately afterwards.

Looking back now in these past 4 months here are some major realizations I have had:

1. Commute time matters. As already mentioned above, It can add or take away so much stress depending on which way it goes. It has honestly been a dream to be so close and because I work from home, it gives me the ability to dive right into work, quicker than if I had to travel on the subway or bus to take her or pick her up.
2. Because the school is in the same ‘hood we live in, our sense of community has exponentially expanded. We now walk down the street and see Audrey’s friends or head to the playground together. It’s fun for the kids and the parents! I have honestly been someone who has always been good to go it alone. But since having a child, I CRAVE community more than ever. And it now has risen to the top of my priority list in terms of what I would like to offer not only Audrey, but our family as a whole, a very strong sense of community with our neighbors and friends.
3. The truth that alternative schooling is mostly available to those with privilege. The fact that we even had the choice to consider something different than the “norm” is our privilege at work. Let me be clear, we do not currently have the funds for private school, and so those options quickly fell off the table. We could still find a way to homeschool or unschool I am sure and that still is very much a privilege. But also, now that I realize that, I don’t want that for our girl. It is INCREDIBLY important to us that Audrey understand that there are so many different people, from so many different backgrounds, cultures and experiences. And as much as we can tell her that, her true learning will come from direct experience, in all things, but especially this. I want her to understand her place of privilege in this world and not be blind to it because it’s all she sees around her. That breeds more ignorance that we just don’t need and is counter to raising any kind of ally. The reality is, public school is a much better representation of this now, than most other options. Education comes in all different ways, and this is very much part of it. Not to mention, the pressure I was putting on myself to find the "perfect" school was counterintuitive to all that I espouse.  There is no such thing...which leads to the next one...
4. What matters most is the space we offer her as her parents, at home, physically and emotionally. At the end of the day, I have realized that Justin and I could not possibly raise a child who doesn’t understand progressive points of views because of who we naturally are and what we give her every single day through our own examples and teachings. I also feel so confident in what our involvement will be moving forward as she progresses into school and her education. I gave up the worry that if she isn’t hearing about meditation and mindfulness all the time, she won’t get it. She will, she does, she sees it all around her through our own actions.  And also, I don’t want her to live in a bubble but be able to practically apply her own care for her body, mind and heart in the real world, not some carefully crafted alternate reality. The truth is, the sooner she can understand how to work her own emotional intelligence in real time, the better off she will be in the long run. Because as we all know, life is tricky and sometimes hard and as much as we may want to, we simply cannot shield our children from having to learn their own lessons. They are here, just like us, to grow into their own, uniquely designed human experience and that means navigating difficult moments and circumstances, with us having her back always, of course.
5. In order to BE the change, you must actively participate. As I already said, there are still things I very much dislike about the traditional school models. And in this day and age, I would be lying if I didn’t say I was terrified some days about the potential of bullying, self-esteem issues and violence. We shouldn’t have to live in a world where we may send our child off to their own death at school. It’s insane. And yet, how am I helping the cause if we completely remove ourselves from it? Those of us who are willing to fight for our children and their emotional health are needed more than ever, to step into the arena and get present with what’s happening. I look at someone like Scarlett Lewis, whose son Jesse was killed at Sandy Hook. She has created the Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement an emotional intelligence program (that is free) to implement both at home and at school.  Scarlett says: "Although we can’t always choose what happens to us, we can always choose how to respond,” . “Children can learn to choose a loving thought over an angry one. When a child realizes that they have the power to positively impact themselves as well as those around them, it is empowering and perpetuates their positive actions and interactions.”  There is a very big part of me that understands, if I choose to walk away from that fight, then I am not doing my part as a mom who comes after people like Scarlett and kids like Jesse to change things. You better believe that I will be (and already have been) all up in Audrey’s classroom teaching yoga and meditation and all ways of tending to our minds and hearts from an early age. Please let me have some impact on these growing hearts and minds either through my child or through my presence as a safe space for her friends and classmates. It’s all we can do, and it’s a lot.

This post simply started as a fond reflection of how much I have loved this first half of Audrey’s “traditional” Pre-K experience. Her teachers are incredible, her friends and their parents...we are lucky and oh so grateful. But also the education and wisdom it has offered me as her mom and a citizen of this world, has been so strong. And this is simply, my personal experience.  I know  many others have very different thoughts, opinions and experiences. Please know, I am in no way shaming or condemning the other options. I mean it when I say, there may come a time they are more right for us as well and I truly see and understand the merits. I remain open. But as of late I feel immensely grounded in the understanding that life doesn’t have to be an OR, it can be an AND. AND our experience of doing the exact opposite of what I ever thought we would do, has given me so much. So I thought I would share.

Good Morning.

Today I stood in my favorite spot, in my favorite park and cried.  They weren't tears of sadness or anger or hurt.  In fact, the circumstances around which they flowed are quite wonderful really.  But they were tears of overwhelm and emotional tension that definitely needed to be released.

The truth is, this past week our family has been going at full speed with a lot of things juggling in the air.  All of it wonderful and in the name of abundance, truly, I am grateful.  But the reality is that even when things that we are happy about happen, overwhelm can still exist.  This is not meant to sound like a loss of perspective, but simply an honest and open share that life sometimes, even when full and exciting, can feel big and heavy.  

For the past 26 days I have been sharing a personal challenge of mine with 32 other people.  We have committed to moving our bodies in some way for 30 minutes, for 30 days.  Many of you are on this email list.  My moment of release came after a brisk walk through the park while listening to one of my favorite meditations.  I realized on the walk home that those two tools: that of movement and meditation are what allowed me to find the ability to release my overwhelm through wonderful, beautiful, salty tears.  Cultivating such tools has been instrumental for me these last few years. Many days I repeat the same ones: Oils, Meditation, Journaling, Breathing, Movement.  Some days it's one that takes the lead, some days it is many of them multiple times throughout the day. Each one in their own way helps me to navigate my own emotional waters with intelligence and a kind of care that helps me move through whatever the experience is rather than feel the need to numb or avoid.  

It really does seem simple enough, even as I type this.  But the reality is that learning to turn to these tools has been some of the hardest work I have ever done.  And I don't think I am alone in this.  Having made the decision to take this very personal work and now create a career around it, I now see every day, how incredibly challenging it is for all of us to choose ourselves in this way.  Or how it can be easy one time and maybe a second time, but to consistently choose this work over and over again is indeed hard.  And that's ok.  And also, it doesn't mean we don't keep trying.  

I speak a lot about forgiveness with my clients.  How it is utterly important to consistently forgive yourself for not choosing yourself in a moment or when we "fall off the wagon" so to speak.  Because it's through the act of forgiveness that we teach ourselves that being an imperfect human being is ok.  That it is ok to feel overwhelmed and in need of a release or a break, when things feel great and when they don't. And then after we forgive, we once again pick up our tools to help move us along.  

I am writing all of this to you because I believe so passionately in how the discovery and consistency of my own tools has changed my life.  There was once a time when I would have turned to the numbing and avoiding and the overwhelm would compound and my happiness and love for life would have suffered.  No longer.  And I am incredibly passionate about guiding others through their own work of this discovery.  This is what Let's GLOW 2020 will mostly focus on.  The consistent implementation and discovery of our tools for not only self-care, but for loving yourself back into your life, after all kinds of circumstances arise.  We will use oils, movement, meditation, journaling and support our bodies with incredible supplements.

I want you to join me.  I genuinely want your next year to be filled to the brim with the deepest, strongest most potent love this life has to offer.  That of yourself and your willingness to care for yourself consistently.