It’s been a while since I have shared in this space. I don’t know if it is the winter months or the general malaise of pandemic living, but constantly writing for others to read, other than a specific group right now has felt somewhat impossible. I know through speaking with my girlfriends that I am not alone in this feeling, so if that is you, know that I see you and feel you. So much.
But the truth is also that with what energy I have had, I have been using it towards writing a book. Or rather, practicing writing a book. Practicing because the truth is, I have never done it before and I am completely in uncertain territory. Wanting to write a book has been a dream of mine for a long time now. Actually going to work and doing it has been a whole other story. All the usual suspects of thought have crept into my mind: “everyone else has said what you want to say”, “no one will actually read it or let alone publish it”, “I don’t know if I could fill an entire book with words, it feels so daunting”. As they say, these are the moments when I am “back on my bullshit”. And I know it’s bullshit so therefore, I made the choice at the beginning of the year to simply give myself the permission to practice writing a book. No expectations, no pressure to turn it into anything and yet the door has been left wide open for the creation of something to occur.
Here’s how I’m doing it:
When I decided to create and launch Project eMOTION, I made a decision that each week everyone would get a chapter of an eBOOK pertaining to that week’s Small Ritual practice. And so for the last six weeks, I have spent every week writing the following week’s chapter. Rather than this being a simple PDF, which very much could have been, I have taken it upon myself to write a few pages about why we are taking on that specific ritual that week. Sometimes this means storytelling from personal experience, or a deeper history lesson into the art of the ritual.
The real key is that while it is absolutely landing in the inboxes of people who have paid me for this work, it is not about getting it perfect. In truth, these twelve chapters that I am writing are no more than a rough draft for the book that it will eventually become. Already in week six I look back to weeks one, two and three and know there are a ton of edits to be made, thoughts to expound upon and work to be done. But for right now, that’s not where I am in the process. I am in the practice portion which is about sitting myself down and utilizing the framework of our work in Project eMOTION as my guide. To practice putting my words down on “paper” and releasing the judgment long enough to put it out into the world for the eyes of others. Women of whom I adore and trust btw. Who even though they have come to Project eMOTION for their own work and reasons, are giving me the gift to equally realize my own work.
I won’t lie, it’s incredibly hard. There are days when I sit down and all I can do is get a few words written before my brain wanders aimlessly away from the page, feeling the weight of having nothing to say. And yet somehow, each week it happens. Every Saturday night I finish it in its current form, I record an audio version of it (a very helpful tool I must say) and I send it off for eleven women to read and take away from it what they will. It’s imperfect and a rough cut, but it’s a practice that has allowed me to strengthen the muscle to finally do the thing I have been saying I want to do all these years.
And that is the real point of sharing this with you. It would be a tragic shame for you, for any of us to get to the end of our lives never have filled our hearts desire. To have never taken the deep breath and forged ahead in the creation of something that may or may not work, but you’re not beholden to the outcome because honestly, the heart doesn’t really care. No one needs to give you permission to do this. You do not need to get it right. Just practice. And when the doubt comes and the fog envelopes you, you practice being in those moments too because they are just as much a part of the process as the triumph of it all. It doesn’t have to be any more than that right now. It does not need to be a certain anything.
I dare you to go and practice this week whatever it is that you are wanting to create. Go. Make bold mistakes and paint in all the wrong colors and do it again and again and again. It’s just practice.
(But shh, here's the secret: that's where all the good stuff is anyways)
is a Mama, Wife, Yoga and Meditation Teacher, Coach, Writer and Activist. You can read more about her here.